As for sleep (I really should change the title of this blog to "Hannah's Sleep Chronicles" or something....), we're all doing a bit better. I was telling Eric how I always feel so guilty when I leave her to cry and after the ordeal is over, I always tell myself that I'll do better next time, that I'll stay cool, calm, and collected for the full saga. Prior to laying her down, I often pep-talk myself and commit myself to not kirking out, but usually I end up needing a break and having to leave her, sometimes after 45 minutes, sometimes I only make it 20, but here's an interesting development: for the past couple days, when I give up and leave, she screams at most for another minute or two then goes to sleep. Weird, huh. It's like my soothing presence while she's trying to sleep is totally annoying to her. So I started trying it out at night too. I'll go in and briefly soothe her, then I turn around and head back to bed and she's asleep again in a couple minutes. Last night I tried something new where I just didn't go in. She screamed for maybe 2 minutes tops and then fell back asleep. Pretty cool, huh?
So here's another thought that Eric and I were thinking out loud together the other night. You know how when you're pregnant people who have kids will tell you that kids change everything and you think, yeah, yeah, of course they will, and you know they will, but you don't understand HOW MUCH they will. Well for all you childless kids, we'd like to assure that that is not an exaggerated statement. Having kids really does change every little thing in your entire life from big ticket items like sanity and sleep to little things like how often your plants get watered or your cat gets fed. And your whole outlook on life starts to change too. When I got pregnant, I started being really offended by certain rap songs (think Snoop Dogg) that I once found pretty funny. And I started thinking about death and worrying about myself in ways I never have because I feel like I am crucial to Hannah's existence. I know that's not completely true, but for a while there, the idea of me being dead or in the hospital and her having to be fed formula because I didn't have a reserve of breastmilk in the freezer made me want to cry. I don't know why. Lots of babeis are/were formula fed (including my hubby) and they are FINE. I'm not one of those Tit Terrorists who thinks that breast is the only way to go, but the idea of Hannah having anything else made me want scream. The main time that I was thinking about this was the month after she was born because of all the bleeding. There were a couple of times that I was afraid to fall asleep in case I bled out. This is totally ridiculous, I know. Even if I were going to bleed out, I wasn't getting enough sleep in that first month to do so in my sleep. I worry a lot more about Eric too, and of course I'm constantly worrying about Hannah, which is why I always feel so guilty letting her cry it out.
On a lighter note, Hannah's got this new smile that is so friggin cute. It involves her totally scrunching up her nose and sticking her tongue out just enough to touch the tip of it to her top lip. We've been trying to catch it on video and film but have had a hard time. In this photo of her post-rice smear, we just barely missed the nose scrunch. (Terrill did manage to catch it on video, but the rest of the video has us talking and I really hate the sound of myself talking on video so I avoid it at all costs......HOWEVER, there is a nose scrunch in one of the videos below.)
In other photo news, look who finally decided to man up and put on the BabyBjorn!!! He was worried about his masculinity being threatened and has refused to put her in a carrier up until yesterday when he got ballsy. Since the end result was that everyone on the Avenue awwwed all over them, he's okay with it now. OH! And I got to wear her on my back the other day! She's big enough now that I can start using the Baby Hawk again and wearing her on my back which is good because the Bjorn kills my shoulders and back, but it's the only carrier that lets her face out and for a while now she has refused facing any other way in a carrier. I had a hard time getting her on my back though and had to do it over the bed just in case I dropped her in the process. I guess I'll get better at it with practice.
Here's Hannah having Daddy's leg for breakfast:
Hannah got another new toy too. Well, she's had this one since I moved back to Baltimore and inherited a bunch of hand-me-downs from my friend Brooke who passed along a Johnny Jump Up. Eric's been pretty eager to play with it so he dug it out of her toy trunk yesterday. She totally loved it. There are a couple of nose scrunches to show it.
And here's another one of her bouncing and spinning in it: