I didn't want to look back on this time and feel like I blew it because I was more concerned about work than I was about my daughter--because maybe these are the good ol' days, and we should take hold of them and really live them.
So two months later, I quit my job....Now when I'm with Chloe, I'm fully with her, and I appreciate that I can relax and concentrate on being a mother. And if I've learned anything from her, it's to be more joyful and to take pleasure from the simple things, because Chloe lives in the moment.
The future is not a concept she understands at nineteen months old--unlike us grown-ups who are always looking ahead and planning and saying things like "Things will be better once I get that promotion or once I graduate college" or "I can't wait until Christmas." But in the meantime, everything just slips away from us. Chloe is teaching me to appreciate the moment because that's where joy lives, even if it looks as insignificant as sitting on the floor building some blocks or playing dress up.
That's from Debra Ball's essay in Expectations. She was a traveling saleswoman and gone for 3-4 days at a time every week....Can you imagine??? .
I head back into the office next week. I'm going to work 2 days a week from there and then will have to do another 3-4 hours from home earlier in the week. Since Eric is currently off on Thursdays and Fridays, those will be my working days. I'm semi-dreading it because it's such a dark, windowless, negative environment--at least it was when I was there but there have been a lot of changes so I'm trying to stay hopeful. But I'm looking forward to getting my hours in a chunk and then being able to relax during nap times on the days I'm off. Right now, with me working during her naps, there's no time to do household chores and definitely no time to chill out and be lazy.
And anyway, I'll be working 2 days a week. 2 days. That's the amount of time that most people are NOT working. So I have a 5 day weekend and 2 (and a half) day work week. No room to complain about that set up.